============================================================== |SJD's Fifth annual conference is June 30-July 2, 2000. We're| |almost there. Please help the hosting crew by registering if| |you plan to attend the conference. Log on to the conference | | homepage at http://www.satjadham.net/sjd5sd/ | ============================================================== Sabaydee Pauline, Guy, Kongkeo, TheDeon and All, May I see your picture identification (ID) card, please! You must be 18 or older to read my love-sexual analysis on Keo and Laddavanh. ********IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS******* SORRY!!!! I become a love-sex analyst per Phayvanh's request. Please don't call me "Dirty Old Man". Sex in love or love in sex or love and sex is a sex education 101 at least though. Kongkeo: <> Guy: <> <> TheDeon: < I can'y have it be and neither can you. If that's love then it's probably best to not have any. boohoo-hoo!=> >> Phayvanh: <> We are different. Everyone is different. We are unique. There are no two grass-blades are the same. Sure, men and women view sex differently, need sex differently. We (men and women) are from different planets. Love is the greatest of human experience. Without it life is empty and meaningless. Love is always worth the effort and it also brings confusion, uncertainty and pain in the process. Love is free of expectations. Loving you means wanting you to grow. Loving you doesn't give me license for sex. Loving is sharing with each other. Loving you doesn't mean having sex with you. Love is something magical and misterious over which you have absolutely no control. You can't trust love to last; you can't trust yourself or your partner to stay in love. Laddavanh was not a sexual pleaser like Sherlock Holmes, investigating to find out what pleased Keo and checked him every minute or so to make sure Keo still liked what she was doing. Instead, Laddavanh was shy even she needed trmendous amount of love. She was not a superlover, but a simple Lao lover, therefore she didn't earn enough Keo's love. She couldn't return her feelings in the same intense way as Keo's, therefore nothing happened..., I think, according to the novel. Left Keo and Laddavanh feeling isolated, lonely, and unfulfilled. Laddavanh felt as she were really being loved and as though nothing else in the world mattered except the two of them, but perhaps they didn't feel safe and protected. Or they might feel that "True Love" was not for "Sex". One or both of them might be a sexual procastinator who avoided sex and sexual contact, and giving each other logical reasons. They were avoiding sex by avoiding dealing with reality. Keo was aggressive while Laddavanh was passive; they didn't match for "that moment". They might be afraid of being controlled or selfish. Inside, the sexual procrastinator is usually a very sensitive, warm person with a great fear of intimacy because of the hurt he/she is sure it will bring them. Keo and Laddavanh knew that they could not stay together for long, they had things to do in their own countries. They had a lot on their minds. They were responsible lovers who knew the "sexual trap" thinking that the purpose of making love was just to have an orgasm. They both were well educated and sensitive to believe that was what sex is all about, so they ignored it. One side might not know the purpose of making love is to share and express love with his/her partner. That was what Keo did, I believe. This can be accomplished with or without an orgasm. Breaking this sexual habbit means realizing that making love, when approached with complete love and openness, is itself an orgasmic experience. Love touches, fondles and revels in sensual gratification. Love is physical, it touches. Physical love is necessary for happiness, growth and development. The infant needs to be fondled or he will die even if all his biological needs are met. According to Sigmund Freud the base of all mental illness is the lack of sensual gratification. According to Dr. Leo Busgaclia, a professor of education at the University of Southern California (USC), Love is not Sex, though sensual gratification in varying degree is always a part of love. He said, to write a book on "LOVE" without mentioning the word "SEX" would be absurd. It is impossible to realize a situation where one loves deeply and sincerely without a dsire for some form of sensual gratification. However, Western mores, against the most superficial human contact are so great, even to laws which prohibit it, that many have moved almost completely away from any form of physical love, except on a purely animalistic level. Even the choice of shaking hands, man and woman, is at the discretion of the woman. If she extends her hand, the male accepts it. But she is also right not to extend it. Love needs freedom. Love is free. Some people don't like to be touched. Love finds its own path, sets its own pace. Each flower in the field is different and no two roses are alike. Different people have different ways of loving. We cannot force others into our way of love; we can only encourage them to find their own. They will find their own ways, their own paths to love. Keo's and Laddavanh's love was unique that is called "Love is not sex." Love is not only for sex! (my philosophy of life). I think Keo and Laddavanh were both westernized, getting used to western mores and laws, so they loved and touched each other, but love with sex was unacceptable for them. However, none of them asked or told each other about having sex, but their minds knew from their body language. People said love is all. Love is a strong emotional attachment to another. Man may often be afraid of truly deep relationship with other human beings. The relationship implies a burden, a restriction to his freedom. If on the other hand, they knew the love that was growing, free, mature, they taught this to others (us, in this novel). The mores and folkways involved in love, sex, marriage, and the family are different in Vientiane than they are in Paris. Love is learned. It is learned best in joy, in peace, in living, in wonder. Each man lives love in his limited fashion and does not seem to relate the resultant confusion and loneliness. Ones knows and expresses and acts out what he knows of love. Keo's and Laddavanh's worlds of love were still limited to their belief systems, and their cultures. They acted out and acted upon. Both acted out what they were learning. Laddavanh might believe that "Good women (Koulasatry) don't hug and kiss the opposite sex". How about having sex? It is the wors for her, in her mind at that time. She might be taught that an outward show or expression of love is not approved in her environment. If the love they have learned was immature, confused, possessive, destructive, exclusive, then that was what they passed on and taught to others. It is Lao culture which, in many cases, has taught us, our responses to love. So it served to reinforce both Keo's and Laddavanh's actions. Keo was taught by his parents and adapting them while living in France. He was a bilingual, bicultural, so he had to adjust to the Lao culture again in Lao PDR. No person can be totally free of cultural pressures and influences. To become a "socially approved" person, one must always give up some of himself; especially in Laos today. If "To Paris with Love" was romantic love, the concept of love usually went no deeper than boy met girl, girl lost boy (or vice versa). People equate love with sex, attraction, need, security, romance, attention and so on. Most of us never learn to love at all. We play at love, immitate lovers, treat love as a game, so many of us do. I think Keo loved her more and needed her less. He knew that love is patient and waited, but active waiting. What is an unconditional love? Only God has unconditional love (Christian belief) and it is hard for us to love unconditionally because we are not perfect, far way from being perfect. We can love unconditionally up to certain level only because of our limit in love. Low testerone can also disrupt a woman's sexual response. It is important for female sexual responsiveness. A woman might have a lack of sexual desire if she has a low level of testerone. So Pha-Ek must be patient, by knowing without asking fot it. Don't ask, don't tell (answer) policy applies, in this case. Analyzed by Phouthone Xayavong _ ***************************************************************** To reach ALL SJD members, please send to sjd@satjadham.net ... Do NOT include any other addresses when sending to the list... Include as LITTLE of the original messages as possible........ 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