Sabaydii, Sonny, your poem is really a great piece of work, I am touched and impressed by it. To everyone, I just updated our temp page. If you want to check anything especially posting schedule or recent works posted by our group, please aim your browser at: http://www.sonic.net/~kongkeo/sjdnews.html Regarding "face to face", just tell me who is going to be in if we hold a mini conference in the summer of this year at Fresno? If over ten of our members can make, I will manage my time to attend it. I think we need this "face to face" to get things done as planned. Thip, Guy, Alisak, On, Soudary, Ketmani, Adisack, Chaosinh, Sengthiene, Sendara, Victor, Vinya and our new members: can most of you make it? (Of course, if Dr Pao and Catherine can make it would be great). I have a great trust in Sonny to make it a success in his hometown. Am I right, Sonny? Lastly, the next round is up next Wednesday. There is only one spot left in a formal format, tell me who is going to take it (7/10/96)? And here is an intro to the subject from Dr Pao. See for yourself what a great intro Dr Pao produced: (I will post it today) GENERATION GAP: An Introduction. By: Pao Saykao "What's got into this kid's head!" the parents told me in desperation. I lookeed into the parents, leaned forwards and asked, "What's NOT got into this kid's head?". Then I sent the parents out of the room and face the kid. "My parents never understand me!", the kid said. Is this what we call the generation gap? Whatever that is, I have to deal with these issues more and more over the last few years. It is becoming a concerning issues for parents as well as for our younger generation. What is the real issue? Why does it happen? How it has affected the family and community dynamic? And do we have solution for it? Satjadaham members have taken up the challenge to explore this issue over the next few weeks. Articles will be posted on the SCL every week. This will be another great reading as well as stimulating. But let's look at the setting for our discussion. I arbitrarily divide the issue into four areas: Firstly, the environment that we live in has an important force in our life generally and more specifically on the issue of the challenges surrounding the generation gap topic. The western society seems to erode the parental authority over their kids. There are always a watching eye of the child protection agency who would respond to any sign to suggest child abuse. As a result, parents are reluctant to discipline their children in fear of a visit form these agency. So the problem starts - this is what I mean when I said, "what's NOT got into this kid's head". What role the parents should play? How? All these will be explored later. Secondly, our young people live in a world that is quite different from our past. My 13 years old boy came to me and said, "My leg is killing me". My 11 years old daughter told me about a movie, "That's really cool, dad!". Even the vocabulary they use are different - I have to ask them to define each word they use! My younger brother use IRC as a normal communication while I can ony manage email and my eldest brother still struggling to operate a fax machine. The world is different to each one of us. Today, more and more, our children become "socialise" at school; they taught by some teacher who may not have any or little knowledge about our culture; they have this urger to "belong" to a peer group, and the list goes on... Then smoking and drinking are seen as sign of strength and "grown-up" by the mainstream children. Use of illicit drug become a quest to experience, to prove oneself and to belong. It is a different world out there. Thirdly, we are translocated to an industrialised society with varying values and norms that we are trying to understand. Beside, our family is fragmented; our network of extended family support is non-existence for the majority of our people; many of us have no elders for guidance - we simply have no coaching to be good parents. WE need coaching in all aspect of our life, especially if we want to do well. All champions have coach - even Jordan has a coach! Who do we turn to in time of family disharmony or crisis? In addition, life today is hectic and busy with our job, our work, leaving precious little time for the things that really matter, specifically about the quality and quantity time with our children. As S Kramaehmer (1) wrote, "the time mothers and fathers spend with their children determines the kind of adults they will become", many of us will need to prioritise our time more effectively as the parents still have the upper hand when it come to bringing up children to what we want them to become. Finally, how do we bridge the gap? What can we do? According to Barbara A. Mendenhall (2) in her article "Bridging the generation gap: Attitude is everything" , attitude is every thing! We also need an open communication channel. And we need the skill to teach our children in the areas of positive discipline, teach children perceptions and skill, positive discipline, goal settings and many more (3). There are a lot that we can do and we need to do a lot more than our parents have done. But what and how? This is the challenge taken up by Satjadham. Before closing, I want to leave you with Dorthy Law Notle poem titled " Children Learn What They Live" (1) which provides a powerful parenting guide for all of us to ponder on. If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns what envy is. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patients. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciated. If a child lives with sharing, he learns to be generous. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with honesty and fairness, he learns what truth and justice are. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and in those around him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live. If a child lives with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind. References: 1. Steffent T. Kraehmer. "Time Well Spent. A Father's Advice for Establishing a Life of Closeness with Your Child", Prentice Hall Press, New York, 1990. 2. Barbara A. Mendenhall. "Bridging the generation gap: Attitude is everything", http://lifematters.com/bridge.html 3. Lots of articles on the topic at: http://www.empoweringpeople.com/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- ************************************************** Dr Pao Saykao 25 Princes St. Flemington, Vic. Australia. 3031 http://www.stolaf.edu/people/cdr/hmong/hmong-au/ozintro.htm Lao Links in the Net: http://minyos.xx.rmit.edu.au/~s914382/hmong/lao.htm *************************************************** Hak phaang, Kongkeo Saycocie email: ksaycoci@nermal.santarosa.edu http://www.santarosa.edu/~ksaycoci/kongkeo.html http://www.sonic.net/~kongkeo/Poem.html