From ticky@gladstone.uoregon.eduWed Jun 7 12:12:44 1995 Date: Tue, 6 Jun 1995 16:26:12 -0700 (PDT) From: Satjadham To: laolit@tuddy.cc.monash.edu.au Newsgroups: soc.culture.laos Subject: Phou Ying Lao I) "Phou Ying Lao"--the teachings of Grandma As I write today, as I sit and type here at the University, as I am alive today, I am here as the person that I am through the teachings of my mother, my grandmother, my aunts...From each of them I have taken a piece and made it my own. And to all of them, I owe respect and love, for without them, I would not know the true meaning of phou ying lao. But Grandma is the main figure who has tried the hardest to remind me of what her idea of what phou ying lao is. When I was about eleven years old, my grandmother sat me down and told me a story. She said that when I was still unborn, when I still lived inside my mother's womb, there were evil spirits after my mother. But, Grandma continued--the evil spirits did not harm her, for she had been faithful and true to my father as he was away at "seminar" somewhere far from home. I thought the story to be mystical and intriguing at the time, not realizing the moral that she meant to illustrate to me. As I look back, I see how her words tried to tell of faithfulness, to yourself and your loved ones. Her story expressed the need for the traditional Lao ways to continue. >From her, I learned what life for me would have been--if I were to have been raised in Muang Lao. She also embodies strength to me. Still young at a little over sixty years, one could never tell of the struggles she has had to overcome--one only sees her warm and indiscriminant smile. Grandma's strength can be seen in her seven children--originally nine, for two had not lived to see their three years. Strength is giving birth to the first child at exactly the same age that I am right now. Endurance is having to start a new life here after she fled the land of most of her adultlife and all of her childhood. Grandma has always told me to remember that "chow bhen maa ying..." Although I was brought up here in "amehlika," I try to tell myself that I must remember the lives of the mothers and grandmothers before me--and their lives in Laos. That does not mean emulating the lives of my mothers, grandmothers, but to take what they have taught and use it in my life. Though at times traditionalist and unsupportive of new ways, grandma has given me something that I should be obligated yet priviledged to follow. Through these stories, I also understand her yearnings for her spirit to live through me and my daughters someday. II) Reflections My mother told me recently--"Do what YOU want. You are the one that has to live with your decisions." This is the path that I shall take whenever thoughts of conflict between living as a traditional phou ying Lao or a Lao-American woman...I have decided that I cannot look at how phou sai are raised and compare it to how I was raised. I cannot resent my parents for allowing more freedom to my brother because he is a boy. The same reason goes for not judging them for how I was raised with more contraints. I cannot do that, for I would blame them for trying to raise us the way their parents had raised them. In one of my poems, I write--"Here,/ where as a woman/ I can roam and roar/ as loud or as soft/ as I please." So I have learned I can still be phou ying Lao even if I cannot cook as well, even if I like to wear jeans instead of sin. Being phou ying Lao is something that has been growing inside--nurtured and fed by many mothers that have raised me. Soudary Kittivong Comments? Please email: laolit@tuddy.cc.monash.edu.au