Satjadham presents: Generation Gap: Causes and Solutions? (Part 1/2) By: Pao Saykao Someone asked me recently, "Why do we have the generation gap today?. Why now and not before? What can we do about it?". In the first part of this discussion, I want to examine some of the factors that I believe to play some role in the widening of the gap and in the second part, I will explore about the solutions. Based on my own observation and my dealing with the Lao since they arrived in Australia, there a few common denominators. Let's examine briefly five of them. First, one of the most important factor, contributing to the widening of the generation gap, is the loss of the extended family network. The recent exodus from Laos and the resettlement to a new country have cause fragmentation of the extended family network. Traditionally, this network plays an important part in the bringing up and socialising of children. If Mom and Dad are not around, the grandparents or the uncles and aunties would take over the role of teaching the young. Today, this network is disappearing in our community and in the mainstream society. So just imagine... when a 15 years old girls has a fight with her mom, she has no grandma to comfort and to give her advice. She just run to her 15 years old girlfriend and complaint about her mom. How would another 15 year old girl respond! - "Yes, my mom is the same... they are so bad... they never understand you... well when we are 18, we just m...". You got the story. Secondly, the hectic life style in the new country has left little quality time for the building of the family relationship and the supervision of children. Today family time is a rarity. When mom and dad are at home during the week, they are either too tired or too busy in front of the TV watching Thai video which the children cannot relate to or do not understand. The children, on their part, are happily engaging in their electronic games or on the phone, chatting away. No wonder, the gap is widening. On weekends, many parents indulge themselves in social "gathering", drinking, playing cards or gambling. Some children would take part in these activities as well. Other children are left to themselves and they can "hang out" freely with no supervision. The parents have no ideas about the type of friends that their little boy or girl is associating. When they are young, they cannot go far but as they reach their teens, the children travel farther and farther away from home and start coming home late. One day, they do not come home at all! One day, they are part of a gang. One day they are on drugs or breaking the law. My child! Where is my child!!! What happen to my child?? The parents move in to gear to stop the child going out, or simply scold the child. Mom and dad don't love me any more.. They are all against me... There is no fun being at home....Only lectures from every one.... War is declared at home...then ultimatum... It is usually at this time that the parents seek help. But what can any one do when the horse has left the stable. The parents have loss the battle. Third, the speed of technology has widen the gap between the young generation and their parents. My 9 years old boy and 11 years old girls use the internet for their projects instead of visiting the local library. Their mother can barely operate the PC. This is new. Everything is available through the touch of a few keys. Get on the phone... just fax... send a card... just email me... People become more disconnected humanly through technology. The human interaction is less and less. How often does all of your family get together and interact? When is the last time grandma drop in? When is the last time that you take a walk with your children around the neighbourhood just to watch the birds and the bees? What I am saying is that technology can play its proper part but our children need time, love and the human touch that no machine can replace it. Fourth, the value system of the parents and the children are changing fast. We, as parents, are not entirely Lao but we are neither American or Australian. Many children are confuse about their identity. Some are not comfortable with the value and norms practised at home. At the same time, the parents are not happy about the attitude and some of the actions of the children. Some children say that they do not want to bring their friends home because of the possible embarrassment by their parents and/or their friends may be rejected due to their appearance and attitude. Can this mean that we are growing apart? Lastly, many of us, especially in my case, have no training to be parents. Suddenly, I have a few children but I have no formal guidance to be good parents. When I look at our community, it is interesting that the generation gap problems seem to be most prominent in group of parents in the age group of mid 30's to mid 40's. I discover that having children is the easy part but being parent is certainly challenging. Initially I thought that providing shelter, food, clothes and education are my duty. Soon, I learned that children need more than these basic needs. What they need most are love, an environment of trust, counsel and sympathy, being an unfailing refuge, a constant resource and inspiration. Children need role model. If we cannot provide theses, the children will seek elsewhere or learn from someone else by choice or by default. So with the lack of extended family support, no formal guidance, the hectic life in the new country with the ever changing technology, the parents and their children seem to grow apart day by day. So what is the future hold? I will try to answer some of these issues in next part of this discussion. Please send all comment to Satjadham < laolit@zac.lao.net> ************************************************** Dr Pao Saykao 25 Princes St. Flemington, Vic. Australia. 3031 http://www.stolaf.edu/people/cdr/hmong/hmong-au/ozintro.htm **************************************************