Different Perspective of Life By Amphon Guy Phiaxay My cousin (or brother) Thuy (meaning rabbit in Lao), is not considered to be a very smart person. At school they put him in a class for special students. He was adopted by my aunt, mother and grandfather since his birth. We, along with my sisters and grandparents, came to Canada with my aunt's family. As kids growing up we all want to have cares and attentions. Being an adopted child, it was kind of tough for Thuy. He also is soft-hearted and has low self-esteem (or in Lao we call it 'Khone Jai Noi'). When pressure gets to him, he doesn't handle it properly. At the age of 17, he moved out of the house to live with his native Canadian girlfriend. A few weeks ago, I went back home for the first time since my grandfather passed away. During the last few years of grandfather's life, he made my sisters and I promised to look after our brothers, especially Thuy. Needless to say, he worried about him the a lot. Since moving away from home he has been struggling financially. Most of his hardship is caused by the fact he is a slow learner and seems to be careless of what happens in his life. For the past 5 years, I see him maybe once or twice a month. That weekend, I was determined to talk to Thuy and see how he is doing with his LIFE. Thuy is now a 22 year old. He works as a cook on the weekdays and cleans the airport on the weekend. With his two incomes, he still has many unpaid bills. I was very surprise to find out that he and his girlfriend have adopted a baby. I say to myself, 'what are they doing? They can hardly support themselves. Now they go want to support another life?'. I was not very happy with their decision at all. (Even though, they receive some financial assistance from the government for the kid, it's still not enough). I wish he would have given more thoughts before he did this..or maybe he was too soft-hearted. Now he has the credit bureau calling him for the unpaid bills while he is trying to raise a kid. As we continue talking, I learn of the things in his life that make me happy and many things that make me worry. Because of his honesty, his friends likes to take advantage of him by lying or borrowed some money without returning.. I also find out that his roommate is a former drug dealer. Thuy told me that sometimes cops used to stake out by their house for his roommate. The cops don't come around anymore since his roommate seems to quit the business. I know Thuy well enough to say that he doesn't have what it takes to be a drug dealer....but then sometimes I am not 100% right. So I asked him, ' Are you happy with your life right now? you have any plans for the future?'. His answer was : I let life lives and what ever happens happened. we'll see how things go. I want to become a certified chef one day. You know I was taking a night class once. This class was set up for adults who want to improve on their reading skill. But the weather was so cold and I didn't a reliable car. So I stopped attending the class. Most of us believe in the SYSTEM - we go to school - get a good job and life. In these lands of opportunities, we can be what we want - if we have the inspiration and perseverance. But for Thuy, he sees life in different way. He knows that he lacks some mentality. Because of his limitation, there are not too many good opportunities for him. His jobs will likely always be in a low-salary level. With only a his high school diploma (which has an asterisk of special education. Not to mention that it took him extra year to finish), he has to limit himself to certain available jobs in this world. Or maybe if he had a better guidance, he would have done better academically. With the right parenthood, he may have finished his reading class by now. While we are talking, I can see in his eyes that he is missing the caring and tenderness. He wants very much to do the right things - to make someone proud. I feel that we all can make a little difference on the lives of the less fortunate ones. If we show some confidences and give them some securities, maybe they will have more hopes in lives. Maybe we can be more patient and help them see things in a positive ways. Looking back , sometimes I regret that I didn't spend enough time with him. I feel that I have not fulfill my duties as a big brother. I should have provided him with more advice. My only excuse was that I was busy with school. But there were times that I was partying and chasing women. Before I left that weekend, he said to me, 'come and see me more often.' I promised him that I will. Thuy has lots of problems, but he also has his girlfriend, baby and jobs. Therefore, I should be happy if he is happy. It's hard to measure someone's success or happiness. Is success measured by the wealth, status in the society or your health? Different people see life in different perspective. I wish I know the correct answers to Thuy's problems. Many people find their ways to happiness through different paths. There is no one recipe or formula to the success of life. As Bob Dylan used to sing, 'The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind'. Any comments are welcomed, please post here on SCL or email to laolit@tuddy.cc.monash.edu.au.