September 7, 1996

Sabaidee my fellow SatJaDham,
	I am a day early in posting my part of the Mother Tongue topic.  
I will be too busy tomorrow so I hope you don't mind that this come to 
you a day earlier then expected.
	I wrote a peom title "My Pa Sa Lao", but before I share it with 
you I want to tell you how it came about.  Growing up in Laos I didn't 
have a lot of Lao friends.  I was born in Longchang and moved to Doungdok 
at the age of 8 (somewhere around there).  Being the oldest of four I had 
lots of chore and very little time to play.   I was a very quiet little 
girl and did everything that was told. Even though my father was a 
teacher, I didn't spend much time at school. We moved quite often from place to 
place due to my father teaching placement as well the war.
	When we were in the refugee camp I tried to take classes but I 
was teased and laugh at because of my northern accent.  From that point 
on I decided that I will never change my nothern accent to Vientian 
accent (from my understanding this is considered to be the educated/standard 
accent).  I couldn't understand how people who had Vientian accent were 
thought to be educated or better than those who didn't.
	 Later when we came to Amereica, I went to a school that only had one Lao student, my 
cousin.  Our neighbor were all white. I didn't have anyone to speak Lao 
to except my family.  Not until we moved to Hawaii that I befriend a Lao 
girl in my class.  By this time my Lao was so out of shape that 98.9% 
of the time we conversed in English. In addition I thought it was 
uncivilized to speak Lao in public.  When I moved to California seven 
years a go I was shock to see so many Lao people.  I was filled with 
joy as well as shame to hear Lao spoken everywhere in public.  I was 
ashamed not because it wasn't pretty, I cried the first time I hard a 
Lao church youth group sang in Lao, but it was a reflection of how Lao 
people had adjusted in America. I was ashamed of the  problems that we 
had overwhelmingly contributed to society.  Inspite of all of this I 
participated in many Lao activities as often as I could.  I wanted to 
prove to myslef that my childhood feelings toward pa sa lao and Lao people was 
wrong.  I don't cry as much anymore when I hear young Lao sing in Lao. I 
still speak with a northern accent and still learning about khon Lao and pa 
sa Lao.
	Here my peom.  
	
		"My Pa Sa Lao"
	Who would ever dream that I
	Yes, I would forget what that is close to my heart
	At one time I thought it was smart
	To walk to talk
	To read to greet
	To everything beside that of my soul

	Was I wrong?
	To be so cold
	I never once felt the warmth of that
	Suppose to be close to my heart
	A thousand time I tried and tried
	But a thousand time I was scold

	My spirit was strong
	So I hold it close to my heart
	For so long

	Day and night I kept it's sparks
	Here and there I hear
	It's sweet melodies
	And tast the uncontrolable burning
	Of my tears
	When I hear the sound
	Of my pa sa Lao.    

Sincerly,
Pam (Phouang)