October 3, 1996

*please, can someone in Satjadham post this to soc.culture.laos? kop chei
lai lai.

Jargon mumble; misunderstood

i often want to speak a language i heard as a child; as a baby; as a womb
dweller.  a language i play back today through a broken tape--inaudible,
unclear, without command.  

i envy those in command of this language, who twist the sounds about their
tongue, grasp it and clicking, manipulating the tones to project their
ideas.  in battling words; in loving words, in daily, uncomplicated words.
a natural reply, is what i hope to give.

but this language to me today--it is jargon.  i try to spew it out my mouth;
pushing out the words--as they come, one by one, no link, just words.
no expression, just words.  

the words are too bland to be convincing of its native heritage: too cut
to be one thought.

a language old, from southeast of what people call asia.  the language
that has echoed for centuries within the hills and down the dark river,
the bloodvein of the land.  the neighboring elephant sister kind echoing
distored sameness, it is what i long to speak, not this warped jargon that
i do.  

and definitely not 
the adopted one that i write this in.

*****my native tongue, maybe the same as your own, is a tongue that i've
bounded by my own choosing.  whatever my reason, whatever yours, take that
tongue back, and it will grow with each familiar use**********************

Soudary Kittivong
university of california, santa barbara